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Your values define what is most important to you and form your guardrails for life. They make up who you are, and what your relationship will embody.
Your values are made up of many aspects of your life, including religious beliefs, purpose, relationships, career choices, finances, family, sexual ethics and positions on social issues. Rather than having a list of preferences, build your list of values. When you are confused about pursuing a relationship, go back to your list. If you live according to your values, then you can be open with your dates about who you are and what you want. Everything else is likely negotiable. The bedrock of integrity is truth.
This means being real about the movies and meals you like, and being authentic about what hurts you and bothers you. Do not tolerate any form of lying or deception in your partner or date, and do not lie. If you say you are going to call, call. Do not lead someone on. Without honesty, there is no relationship. The more honest you are, the better chance you have of finding truthfulness in others.
This one might sound like honesty, but it goes further by asking us to be real with ourselves. Sometimes in relationships, we hope and wish so much for something to be true that we ignore the signs that it is not.
Are you holding on to someone, hoping for them to commit, when the reality is they simply will not? Do you want to go deeper with someone who cannot? Are you hoping, even praying, their behavior is going to change, even though there is no evidence of change?
Taking the blinders off can be hard, but living in denial is much more painful in the long run. Living in reality is another way to live with integrity. If you stay in a relationship very long, the true character of your boyfriend or girlfriend will begin to show. Character shows up after the excitement and newness of a relationship wears off, and it is what makes or breaks a relationship.
Character is how we treat others and what we tolerate in how others treat us. So to start off, what is Integrity? When I ask most people that question they typically tell me what they heard from a religious figure, their parents or a teacher…. From my experience, your truth takes time to uncover. And learning how to live with your truth in a way that is peaceful to others takes even longer.
Our strengths as humans is our social connectivity. Most of who you are has been taught through osmosis. Without other people, your skills, your personality, your opportunities and much more would not look anything like it does. Whether you know that consciously or not. That truth is ingrained in your DNA and within your reptilian brain. For that reason… We are unlikely to follow through on things that we feel are going to be unaccepted by others.
Fortunately, as social media goes on, and as populations expand it becomes easier and easier for us to find people that can agree with the lifestyle you want to live. But getting back to it… I can go on for days about integrity, but to move on to why integrity is imperative for actual success in love….